Keeping it Real: Confessions of a Homeschooling Mom

Okay for whatever reason I have had this thought all day that I need to "come clean" here. It's so easy to always put your best foot forward and make everything look shiny and pretty in the cyberworld. I guess it's actually easy to do that in the real world too but even easier (in my opinion) in cyberspace. So here it is...the real me in eight confessions for '08.

Confession #1: I am an organization FREAK. That can be such a good thing, unless it's taken to the extreme. That's me...the extreme! I would often rather be cleaning out a closet than on the floor playing with my kids. Sad but true. People are draining on me (even family and friends I adore) and tasks energize me. I constantly work to maintain a balance but too often don't do a good job.

Confession #2: Homeschooling is the second hardest thing I have ever done. Some days I dream of being able to put my kids on that yellow school bus that drives by my house. Then I would come inside and scrapbook, keep my house spotlessly clean and cook amazing meals. I would have lunches with girlfriends, take naps everyday and work out all the time. In reality I know I am blessed to have the privilege of educating my children; it's just sometimes it doesn't feel much like a privilege.

Confession #3: The hardest thing I have ever done is work at my marriage. I adore my husband and he me. But we are two very strong-willed people and can definitely clash. I had no idea whatsoever how to communicate when we got married almost 12 years ago and often still stink at it. My marriage is the one single hardest instrument of discipleship in my life and yet one of my greatest sources of joy as well. Someone told me before I got married that looking at your spouse is sometimes like looking into a mirror which reflects your biggest flaws. I have definitely seen this to be true. I see my selfishness and sinfulness constantly.

Confession #4: My kids don't eat healthy all the time. I met up with a precious college friend over the holidays whom I haven't seen in seven years. She mentioned how she had been keeping up with my life through this blog and that she was amazed at how healthy we are. Yikes! I guess I need to come clean with the whole story. I try to live by the 80-20 rule. 80% of the time we do attempt to eat really healthy but the other 20% of the time I don't worry so much. We grab fast food, eat chocolate chip cookies and indulge in all sorts of junk-food. We do try to stay away from artificial dyes and things with tons of chemicals but that still leaves room for lots of unhealthy stuff for sure!

Confession #5: I take myself and life in general waaaaay too seriously. I need to laugh a lot more and chill out. Dh used to tell me that on a scale of one to ten everything for me was a 12 - from the tupperware drawer to something that really matters. I have come a long way but still have much room for growth.

Confession #6: I cannot shop for my own clothes. I take friends or my dh with me. I have often joked that when God knit me together he gave me a double dose of the organizing gene but left off the decorating gene - picking paint colors, buying clothes, accessorizing (myself or my house) are all beyond my comfort zone!

Confession #7: I am a people-pleaser...big-time. I worry too much about what others think - a bad trait for a pastor's wife! If you read my New Year's resolution post you may have noticed the book titled Pleasing People: How Not to be an "Approval Junkie" and now you know why!

Confession #8: I have a temper. Really I do. Just ask my husband. I've struggled with this demon as long as I can remember. I am nice and sweet the huge majority of the time (and hopefully genuinely so) but that last 5% beware. Not a pretty thing to admit but it's the truth. The Apostle Paul talks about a thorn in his flesh and this is mine. My one biggest character flaw - among many unfortunately. God has done great works in my life in this area but the thorn is still there and it continues to be something I fight more than I would like.

Well now you may know more about me than you wanted, but it feels very good getting it all out! :)