Hello to any readers who still may be there - and I am sure there are few after how infrequently I've blogged in recent months! I wanted to share with you some of the journey I have been on in regards to family, school, and self.
If someone were to quiz me on my priorities I would, without hesitation, say:
- Relationship with God.
- Dh.
- Children
- Exercise
- School (I would actually call 5 & 6 an even tie)
- Our home environment: meals, housekeeping and other mom responsibilities
There are many more on the list, but for the purposes of this blog we end here. Yet unfortunately when you look at my life in recent years you could not see these priorities reflected accurately in my life at all.
Let me digress and say two things. First, because one priority ranks higher than another, it does not necessarily demand more time. Exercise needs to come before meals and housekeeping for me (b/c if I am not exercising regularly I hardly have the energy to take care of the other things on the list). Now obviously cleaning my home, meal prep and laundry is much more time consuming than the amount of time I would dedicate to exercise in a given week. Yet if I have had a crazy few days and haven't run once, when Saturday morning rolls around I can choose to start yet another load of laundry and clean yet another bathroom (that will be dirty in 48 hours), or I can hit the road. You get the idea. ;) Second, these are
my priorities and I am making no statement about what I think others need to place as their own. I hope that the first three would look similar if you are a follower of Christ, but the rest is all negotiable! :)
Back on topic, I am trying hard to realign my life to these priorities and let me tell you, it hasn't been easy! Having two babies seventeen months apart and starting homeschooling in the midst of that threw everything off kilter. I am not being too hard on myself. I think most of us moms understand these are unique seasons that don't last forever. Yet now it is time to start moving back to some sense of balance in my life.
In my walk with God I have been the spiritual equivalent of the Sahara Desert. As a mom with two young kids and one with special needs, private time is hard to come by - really hard! I have survived on "spit baths" in the Word for a long time now, but just like in real life, after too long you're going to stink. That's my spiritual life: stinky! :) I need to delve deep into the waters of the Word and reengage those spiritual disciplines that will allow me "to cooperate with the Holy Spirit in the process of sanctification in my life." (my paraphrase of what I am learning in the book I am reading right now:
Pleasing People: How not to be an "approval junkie").
Now to be completely fair, I must admit that I have had
some time. I don't want to completely blame where I am on my sweet boys and mommyhood. Heck, I have posted 98 times in the past year since I started this blog. During all those times I could have been doing something more conducive to spiritual growth. But blogging is fun! Pulling out the Bible, studying, reflecting, memorizing, journaling, praying and such can be just so....well, hard. They require me to engage, think, process, and maybe most painfully to change when God reveals an area that doesn't look like Jesus in my life. Ouch!
So here I am trying to make life reflect the priorites I say I hold. The clincher is that the quantity as well as the quality of time we spend with someone has a huge determination on the health of that relationship. The same is true with God. If I only talked to dh when I needed something our community would suffer greatly (quality). Or if I said, "Dh and I only spend 20 minutes together a week, but oh what a grand time we have in those short moments. We have an amazing marriage," you would think I was nuts (quantity).
So where do I carve time out of an already busy schedule to do all the things I want, and feel called, to do? I seriously considered giving up blogging but truly, I love it. This is
my space (back to the mommyhood thing - very few things are sacred when you are a mom. Not even bathroom time is off-limits with little ones around ;) Whether or not I had any loyal readers I would love simply having a place to organize my thoughts. It is an added bonus that sometimes I get to encourage another person along the way! So here I sit saying that I am trying. I really am. Hang in there with me and check back often. I'll get there; it may just take a little time.